Finally, an odd year!!!

Ah, 2011.  So much has changed in just a few days!!!  Ok, not really, but I like to think big!  ;-)

So I've been putting a lot of thought into what I'm going to talk about in this blog and I'm still pretty clueless.  Having my own blog seems to put some pressure on me.  I feel like I should only talk of important things.  Then again, who am I to discuss "important stuff?"  I mean, really?  Even though my mind occassionally wonders to things like alternate universes or death, noone really needs (or wants) to hear my random thoughts on stuff like that - after all, what do I know?  Over the weekend, I thought of millions on topics that I could possibly discuss, but of course, those thoughts are mostly gone by this point.  Here's what I have left in my brain.

I'm still off of Facebook (crack).  I was tempted to reactivate this weekend after Rick encouraged me to do so (SURPRISINGLY) since his army friend wants to be my friend so he can stalk Rick through me (which I totally do not mind).  But for some reason, I'm still a bit fascinated with my little experiment.  I don't know exactly what the point is yet, but it feels good to have a break.  I've been thinking about what I'll change about my Facebook behavior once I do reactivate, but I'm not in a hurry so I'll just keep thinking.  The biggest differences that I have noticed are the lack of gossip about other people I have in my brain and the additional time I suddenly have by not reading everyone else' business.  The amount of time I spend on Facebook is embarrassing and amazing at the same time.  Also, this weekend I saw a "friend" from Facebook who totally ignored me (I returned the favor so it wasn't just her to blame) which reminded me that when I reenter the facebook world, I have some major house cleaning to do.

I've been off of work since last Thursday.  Last night, I was up until 3 feeling yucky.  I have come to the conclusion that for some reason, my new job makes me sick.  I think maybe subconsciously, it makes me nervous which makes my body revolt.  It's the only explanation I can come up with and unfortunately, it sounds like typical Billie.  I'm hoping that within the next few months (weeks, or better yet, days), my emotions will even out.  It's weird to think that my subconscious can have so much power over my conscious life!

So I haven't made New Years resolutions in years.  I usually fail at them, so what's the point?  This year, I decided a few days before the end of 2010 that there were a few basic things that I really NEED to work on.  I'm now working really hard to remember to take my medicine EVERY DAY (thyroid, Chantix, anxiety).  So far, I've missed one day in the last week, which is probably a record for me as of late.  I also have not had a cigarette since New Year's Eve.  I'm back on Chantix.  I'd like to do it cold turkey on my own, but I also know that I love LOVE LOVE smoking and if Chantix can help me love it less, I'll take all the help I can get!  Now, if I can just keep the dreaming under control.  During my last bout with Chantix, I had night terrors about my dear old father (one of the side effects of Chantix is intense dreams).  This time, it looks like my dreams will focus more on my day to day life with Rick and the girls, which means that 2 out of 3 days, I've woken up mad at Rick.  Although it sucks for Rick (hopefully I'll be able to control my dream emotions), I'm happy to see that my subconscious may finally be letting go of the fear or anxiety caused by my dad (for now, anyway).  I will say that disappointment set in something fierce this morning when I realized that I would not be having a cigarette with my morning coffee (which is why I'm just drinking Sunkist this morning).  I'm sure the sadness will go away soon enough - I will just be happy once this whole quitting process is over and I don't have to think about it again.  Fingers crossed to it actually taking this time and that I don't have to attempt to quit ever again.

New Year's Eve was pretty tame (thankfully).  Rick and I hung out with some of his friends and made out at midnight.  :-)  He later drunkenly told me that he's not ready to get married yet.  Last week, I looked at engagement rings online.  I have NEVER EVER looked at engagement rings - in person or online, and after I sent him the link to my wishlist, he knew it was in my brain (hehe).  I'm ok with his feelings right now.  I guess maybe in a year or more, I might be more ... impatient, but for now, I'm ok with this (although I will most likely continue to look at rings, especially while I'm not on Facebook!).

I guess that's all I have for now.  Any requests for blog topics?  Sent 'em my way!  ASK ME ANYTHING!!!  (hahaha!!!)