July 4, 2005-2011

July 4, 2005: I was on the beach, at the edge of the ocean, watching fireworks with some of my new, best friends.  I wouldn't remember this part if it weren't for Steph reminding me - but I continuously repeated "I can't believe this is my life."  It was so monumental.  This girl from southeastern Ohio was on the Atlantic Ocean, with a good job, watching fireworks, surrounded by beautiful friends. It was, with my limited vocabulary, insane.

A year later, I found myself in Nelsonville, fat, pregnant, stuffed in a minivan with some family I didn't even like.  I was broken.  THIS IS MY LIFE?!  REALLY?  It was horrendous in the most literal sense of the word.  Nelsonville?  Minivan?  Aunt and uncle?  My life had taken a horrible, disgusting turn for the worse.  I had noone but myself to blame.

Later that night, I called/texted/emailed (who knows?  It was years ago, after all) my friend and told her my dilemma. How could I go from ecsasty to a shit hole in a year? Was this a sign of what the rest of my life would be?  I was not just upset, I was hateful.  Bitter.  Disgusted.  This is my life.  And FML. My friend, even though I know she probably didn't believe it herself, told me "Just think, on 4th of July's from here on out, you'll be seeing it through your daughter's eyes.  Things will be ok.  And better."  I didn't believe her for a second.

July 4, 2008 - Rick and I met up and haven't left each other since.

July 4, 2011 - I watched the finale of Nelsonville's fireworks from my side yard, arm in arm with the best thing that has ever happened to me.  Rick was inside, getting ready for bed.  His sister and niece were inside playing (his niece was disinterested/scared). So it was me and Liv, holding each other.  She was entranced by the fireworks, I was entranced by life.  How could I have ever deserved something so good?  THIS IS MY LIFE?!  REALLY?!  As we watched the finale, I told her the same thing I've told her since I met her - "You are my favorite color, my favorite number, my favorite word - you are my favorite everything." 

She responded with "Is it over yet?" 

I hope not.